THE HIEROS GAMOS AND NEEDING NEW DEFINITIONS FOR CRAZY


DRAFT REVISION AS OF DECEMBER 25, 2016

Whether or not we want to brand a whole population, there is symptomatic behavior that groups some people together and makes how they present to a public predictable. It’s probably wise to first understand that just like snowflakes, no two human beings are alike. Thus, even if we have some hardwiring in our makeup, it’s never to the same degree or intensity as anyone else and obviously the lack of uniformity in organic life forms makes a clinician’s job to diagnose a problem a serious challenge. Labeling can be dangerous. I may have BPD, but it may not be to the same extent as someone else who is a cutter. Not all BPD sufferers are cutters. We may have thoughts of suicide, but not all of us are suicidal. Society can’t tell the difference so the most prudent approach tends to be cautious and extremely proactive toward suicidal thoughts. Is this recommended? Probably as long as we don’t have more sophisticated means of collecting data. I have found that when dealing with bipolar or the more extreme borderline personality, it usually takes nothing more than some patience while sitting through an unpleasant downward spiral and repeating over and again gently positive realities (not banalities). Sometimes it could take a while, but in the long run, the exchange works and you can avoid unpleasant consequences.

My husband and I have negotiated an “open relationship” when 5 years ago he took a young submissive. It’s only been the last few months I began interacting with a strongly effective sadist and dom who (whether intentionally or not) taught me that the following negative traits of my own Borderline characteristics have a positive side that makes me an outstanding submissive (see http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/basics/symptoms/CON-20023204). The man has other submissives and is concerned since most of them have honestly shared they had BPD. I’m telling him with some structure and patience he could do them so much good. Thus, first apologizing for the possible graphic sexual content, I’d like to say that it’s through his passion that I’ve found sex to be deeply emotionally healing for me as well as physically satisfying – so the following is a list of common characteristics for BPD and their contribution to my submission. Also this perspective is gender biased since I am female and not gay so any contribution from the gender spectrum would be most appreciated:

1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment: Co-dependency can be annoying, but then this is where a solid healthy dominant can be helpful. I realize I’m being a little preachy, but wow I’ve heard a lot of submissive’s fearful complaints and pleadings for card readings over this one. Here’s a few (though not exhaustive) suggestions for the dominant to avoid problems with abandonment issues.
Most importantly a structured Dominant who stands by his word is golden. He means what He says and follows through on any promise He makes — otherwise the dynamic will probably play havoc with the submissive’s expectations. If the Dominant commits to a specific time and place, they need to not change that any more than they would a job. It’s an incredible healing opportunity for a submissive and admittedly a lot of work for a dom. Few submissives wish to be a burden so the couple should probably consider the dynamic carefully before taking on the responsibility.
A Dominant could include in his profile his relationship with His partner(s). This is especially true if he has or intends to have more than one partner. Adding partners may be tricky territory and as few Dominants want to hurt anyone (not really *gryns*) this becomes a reality check that stretches everybody’s limits – and after all what is BDSM for? And if you’re taking on more than one submissive (phew) structure and integrity are going to be really important. The Dominant’s clear and informative profile also helps the submissive understand her role from the beginning, what’s expected of her and that he’s proud of her.
Which brings us to a third suggestion. Giving her directives and projects which help her fill her time with useful contributions to his life when he’s not there and helps her feel important. And This is the part that her abandonment issues can become an asset to everybody. The developed and willing submissive is platinum. 😉
Probably the most endearing suggestion is keeping in touch. I can’t tell you how important daily contact is from a busy Dominant.

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation Identity disturbance, such as a significant and persistent unstable self-image or sense of self: Guilty as charged – but then this is where cock worship comes from and how cool is that? I crave swallowing His semen because I crave His presence, His power, His directives. I crave stretching my mouth around His over-sized cock. The idea of calling him Master thrills me to the core. I am submissive and clearly where idealizing another can be dangerous outside a BDSM environment can be deeply transforming with an ethical person.

3. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating): OK, well the only problem I’ve had was the unreasonable hunger for Sir’s semen. A deep sexual craving might make me dangerously vulnerable to being exploited, but I’m still here at 62 and happily thriving on the passions of my partner(s) – with few complaints.

4. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior: I’m not convinced that everybody doesn’t have thoughts of dying when life gets too intense. This happens to me sometimes when I’m fatalistic. There are problems that simply don’t have answers. I believe St. Francis’ prayer to know when to quit is really helpful here. But where does suicidal gestures feed my Submission? Oh, there are probably some BDSM scary (not) practices that feel life threatening – at least enough to stave off self-mutilation, like a dominant shoving his thick cock down my willing throat until it cuts off air passages. That’s startling enough when it first happens to think about what it could mean if done with intent. As a side thought, I’ve gotten to know some amazing kinksters that help me redefine “dangerous” and shows how much a body can take if conditioned. But a dominant faced with a desperate BPD submissive probably has a better chance of helping them by using intentional sessioning as any therapist. Now this is recognizing BPD is not the same as Depressants, even if they demonstrate similar behaviors.

5. Emotional instability due to significant reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days): Parents are so hard on kids with BPD mostly because parents believe they have a divine responsibility to whip their children into some kind of shape. I think a caring BDSM dynamic can help re-establish the gift of authority with an intense desire and passion that compliments their partner. Not meaning to sound crass, but what better resolution for a submissive’s irritability than her Dominant’s hard-on? A man cannot fake it. Believe it or not, being plastered against a wall with a strong demonstration of His desirability as His rock hard penis presses against His submissive’s pudenda is very healing for both. Not to sound glib, but what’s a better mood lifter than free-flowing semen from a hard cock? and if he’s got that hard-on, apparently her desire for it is good for him – yes?

6. Chronic feelings of emptiness: How very sad. I personally don’t have this problem, but can see how identifying as a good submissive to someone you really admire can be meaningful. If the dom can set reachable goals, those goals can assist with feeling successful and accomplished as well as creating a meaningful shared purpose. There are many goals that could work, like maybe an exercise program, raising stamina by better enduring bare handed spanking, or convincing her to release her mistrust and allow the one in charge to exercise authority over parts of her life. Her release is deeply gratifying for all sorts of reasons.

7. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights): Guilty – especially when younger and raising children. I’m sure my husband would say this was a major problem in our marriage. But for a submissive, it is so much easier to control one’s behavior with the right structures and influences in place. I’m not sure how this makes her a good submissive, but maybe you guys can help here?

8. Transient, stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms. Nope. But maybe I’m sensitive to this which is why I’m so insistent on extreme honesty and constant reality checks. I say this is a good thing. Am I a mystic or simply manifesting dissociative symptoms – a constant question that constantly plagues me?

I was never medicated, nor did my family ever send me to a therapist since they just considered me a “Drama Queen.” With this said, something hardwired can make my behavior predictable. My “whoredom” surfaced at 19 in the sex, drugs and rock-and-roll arena of San Diego in 1971. This could be a compelling argument for my becoming a Scarlet Woman through a genetic predisposition. One of the biggest issues I had with academia while studying Religious Studies was they dismissed any mystical explanation with “But it could be because of…”. My response was that “could be” was not academic, nor enough to rule out anything. My sexual “promiscuity” had more than one explanation – though “BPD” might be a factor even as generally something as “innocent” as mysticism is thought to be delusional or pathological.

Submissives can be emotionally problematical, but they can also be deeply devotional, spiritually committed to passion and intensely willing to be open to alternative ways of operating or doing things. Suffering through Borderline Personality Disorder is horrible, but the beauty of it is having a gift for coupling and through that partnership a capability for intense transformations on both partners. Trust is a key factor and a big one to actually accomplish. I am very grateful for my 30 year marriage and husband willing to take me and my problematic personality the distance.I am equally grateful to a dominant that through his charisma and passion has been able to influence a remarkable peace in my life as well as a generous measure of tranquility. I must say, thank you both from the bottom of my heart.

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