WHAT’S IT ALL ABOUT, ALFIE? (A discussion with a subscriber)

Wednesday, April 5th, 2017
I read that Kabbalah was not to be practiced unless a man was married and he was 38 years old I believe and I totally understand why!  My greatest overall desire in life has always been spiritual breakthroughs and understanding and so my divine guidance has had to do a lot to keep me from living a normal life.  I’m wise enough when I’m focused to appreciate the wisdom and go with it, but when I’m out of synch with higher purposes I try to get all the things that normal life promises – sex, money, and worldy-power.  But I know if I obtained any of those things that I would squander the kingdom that is possible!
Steiner warns that when we come into contact with spiritual beings, angels, demons and so forth that they connect through us via our nerves and blood.  When I came back into my body from my out of body experience, I went through the most amazing erection I have ever gone through probably because there were spiritual beings interacting with me.  I got a sense of higher sexual energies that are possible.  When I’m in higher states I stay focused and don’t get lost in those sexual energies, when I lose focus I just sit around watching porn wasting my life away.  Then if I get real guilty and out of control I start attending Catholic Church to get refocused, but then I’m just avoiding those energies and a fully embodied spirituality does not just avoid, but empowers.  That is one reason I’m constantly trying to figure out how all the realms of the tree of life enter into the Yesod, divine phallus and what that would be like.  I’ve just started getting my heart opened again.  I was keeping my heart beat down by smoking and mindless masturbation, but as I was driving along one day, the woman’s voice came into my head and told me she “cant help me” unless I stop smoking.  It took me a few weeks, but I did and suddenly my heart is opening up, my veins and arteries feel so much better and I feel new energies coursing through my body – it feels so good and hopeful!  I feel like I took a huge step that I wont forget!  Often, as the spiritual world becomes more and more real I get scared and start to squander the energy by doing stuff like smoking.
I seem to be learning about the connections in the middle pillar – between Keter on down to Yesod and Malkhut.  I have had to do tremendous exercise and awareness in my head, jaws, and neck to reorganize the energies shooting up from Yesod and back down from the head.  I think a lot of people don’t realize the connection.  Steiner talks about how our sexual organ are the flower and the roots extend up into our head.  The stronger my head has become, the stronger my lower regions have become.  I think most of u have a huge disconnect between the two.  Especially when our entertainments are becoming so electronic and intelligence based.  We live like floating beings in our brains with too much intellect, yet in the same regard we don’t want to become a caveman, with a head full of rocks.
I haven’t got to read the whole article yet, but yes, we do integrate spiritual beings into us in sacred marriage and sex.  One morning, a spiritual being that I thought at first was a ghost came walking/floating towards me –it was scary and I wasn’t breathing.  He had a torso and parts of legs, but no sexual organ or hips.  We walked up to me and grabbed my heart which felt like it was stopped.  I believe it was a soul weave of a being and then he has taught me how to develop my sexual organ.  I was worried that he might be sucking energy from me because of my struggles with sexual energy, but I think it’s a dual process.  Even if he is, it is these tensions from which we grow.  He could also be learning how to have sexual organs and the proper energetic relationship.  Steiner talks about how highly evolved luciferic beings will use human bodies for their own evolution for future times and even though  they are luciferic it is not entirely a bad thing, its just how it is.  We also learn from them because they have intelligence that we don’t have yet and we can learn from them and use them to work on some of our own evolution because I feel that my energetic balances were helped by the weave.
Steiner says that this era is when will be the most sexually differentiated of all and when we are most physically hardened of all.  We will now be moving towards sexual androgyny in the future which is a sort of spiritual marriage too.  So this is a time where we are most distinct from each other and with the most sexual difference and most physical our bodies and sexual organs will ever be.  I’ve had dreams where my penis is represented as a baby coming out of me and I’ve learned how there are tremendous forces emanating through my torso like I’m giving birth which has allowed my sexual organ to flourish.  Is that getting in touch with my inner-feminine spirit that comes out as the active divine phallus?  And the same forces in a woman actually are what give birth?  What happens when we transmute those energies and/or they flow in a beautiful way through the Tree of Life?
These are just some of the things I’m constantly trying to figure out.  I’m trying not to stay in my head space as I think that is overused by too many of us and is filled with dry concepts.  I find the Tree of Life and Kaballah very compelling because I believe it hold more hope of embodying the whole being.  The Yesod and Shenikiah is here on earth and is embodied and not just an idea.  We need people that are fully embodied from top to  bottom and back again!